


into the wild

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [36]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Byun Baekhyun & Do Kyungsoo | D.O Friendship, Depression, Kissing, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Mystery, Road Trips, Strangers, Strangers to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 08:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16036415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Baekhyun thinks back on his past relationship with Kyungsoo during a car ride across the country, while crossing paths with a mysterious stranger that's traveling in the same car with him.





	into the wild

**Author's Note:**

> hope you'll enjoy:)

The car stops and the music becomes even louder. His head sticks to the window, blurring it until he can only see a green smudge.

"It's been an accident. Two trucks!" someone says and he tries to look that way but his neck hurts and everything starts spinning.

He feels like shit.

In all honesty, he has been feeling like shit for a while now. For too long, actually.

Shit has been his word of choice to describe anything related to himself.

The car starts moving. Or maybe it’s only in his imagination. No, it is not. It's actually moving, slow as a snail in marche allier, but it is. And then, it stops.

It keeps going like that for a while until all of them stare at the two trucks that are face to face.

He sighs and closes his eyes.

It's been close to 6 hours since he has left his house. Not that it matters. His stomach grumbles, loudly and he glances to the right. No one is looking at him.

The grumbling returns and this time a man stares at him.

"Do you want a snack?"

He shakes his head. Even the driver glances back at him but not for long enough to see him digging his nails into his arm.

Did the man actually ask him that? Or was it in his mind?

The trees follow one after another, running for a while after the car until they trip and fall right into a puddle of clouds that swirls around the road. Except for the music and the low rumble of the engine that at times seems to want to stop, it's silent. A strange kind of.

He glances from time to time at the stranger and then back at the window. It's fully fogged up.

After a while, the car stops and the door opens.  He rushes out as the cold air hits his face and arms.

"Cold, huh?" he says, looking at the man.

It's quiet. He shivers, walking around the empty parking lot in front of the small restaurant. Its firm is blown by the wind, hitting at regular times the wall.

The woman sitting next to him lights a cigarette and practically sticks herself to another man that seems to be a foreigner. An Italian, more exactly. And not because he looks or acts differently, but because she starts talking in some sort of Italian.

He doesn't know any. Not that he bothered. Or had been to Italy. Or anywhere outside the borders.

His man is leaning on a wall. Lonely. Maybe even sad. He's glad that the woman-probably in her fifties, smelling like nicotine and some very sweet perfume-didn't stick to him. It's better.

Not that he will. Speaking has always been his forte. One thing he has been good at.

Until Kyungsoo started mumbling on and on and on how much he had been talking. And his headaches. Those damn headaches only because of his constant chatting. And migraines.

Maybe he had migraines because he was complaining too much.

Then he thinks that he has always been like that only with Kyungsoo. Not with anyone else.

The woman shows to the Italian something on her phone; maybe pictures of her in her swimming attire on a crowded beach somewhere. She smiles at least.

His own stranger just stands.

Kyungsoo used to just stand too and only think, not talk much only nod at something that he would say.

Exactly like the Italian man.

"I'm Baekhyun." he says to the stranger.

"Chanyeol."

That went easier than he has hoped.

"It's cold indeed." Chanyeol says and then laughs.

It's a nice one, Baekhyun concludes.

Kyungsoo used to laugh too. Sometimes, actually and when he would have done that, he looked sweet. Caring.

"Where are you going?"

Baekhyun shrugs. He doesn't know.

"Nowhere?" Chanyeol laughs once again.

"Or everywhere?" he winks.

Suddenly, Baekhyun misses home. He feels the dread of getting further and further away from whatever he has known all his life, plunging head first into everything. And nothing at the same time.

"This place looks sad." Chanyeol says. "Like...yeah, shit load of cars but sad nonetheless."

"Where are you going?" Baekhyun asks.

"Brighton. You?" Chanyeol asks and then, shakes his head and laughs. "Sorry. You said that-"

"Can I come to Brighton with you?"

"Wow. You are straightforward."

"I didn't mean it in that way."

But Baekhyun isn't sure. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't.

"It's fine." Chanyeol smiles and places a hand on his shoulder.

It's big, warm, reassuring.

"I'm staying at a hotel there. If you don't mind...sharing a bed."

Baekhyun laughs.

"Okay. So it's a deal."

"Is it?" he says.

Chanyeol squeezes his shoulder, taking a step closer.

"Fine. It is." Baekhyun says.

"Is everyone ready?"

They all nod. The doors close behind them and there's still that woman, smelling even worse, right between them. But Baekhyun looks from time to time at the man as the man, Chanyeol, does that too until it all becomes a little game.

Maybe the woman notices at some point or only thinks that the glances are for her, but Baekhyun couldn't care less. In these 6 hours, it's the first time when he feels better.

Probably not better but at least, his mind is emptied of many things.

The road unwinds ahead, filled with cars and people inside them until it's almost funny. They all pass by the curve of the road and disappear, replaced by others and others.

Baekhyun thinks again about Kyungsoo. No. About how much he hated and despised him to a point where it felt like too much. But there was also caring and loving him, and making sure he was taking those yellow vitamins or that he was eating fine.

The car stops again. The doors open. He doesn't know where he is.

"Brighton."

"Huh?"

"We've arrived." Chanyeol laughs.

"Oh...that was quick."

It wasn't. But for some reason, now having arrived, Baekhyun wishes he would still be in the car, going nowhere and everywhere. Suddenly, his decision appears to be stupid. Reckless even.

Kyungsoo would call him a moron for that. But why is he thinking about him once again? He shouldn't. The voice is vivid in his head just as his discontent expression.

"Come on. The hotel is nearby." Chanyeol says.

He places a hand on his shoulder and Baekhyun jumps in surprise.

The car disappears as well, getting lost among many more, becoming a part of the traffic. It's undistinguishable.

A man is staring at him. He smokes a cigarette and picks his nose, standing on the sidewalk. Now, he feels even worse.

He starts walking, following Chanyeol as that man remains behind, probably still staring at him. There aren't many people on the street.

"So… What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" Baekhyun asks.

He is startled by the question. The silence was better.

"Well...you said you don't know where you are heading. Mid life crisis maybe?"

Baekhyun shrugs, mostly for himself. Chanyeol stops, waiting for them to be side by side.

"I'm 22. So I wouldn't say it's...mid life crisis."

"Then...the spirit of adventure or...the need to escape something?"

"Maybe." Baekhyun whispers.

He has never thought of it that way. Escaping something.

"Bad life choices or...I don't know." he says after a while.

There's a door right in front of them, green and shinning and too bright. Chanyeol opens it and steps and inside. So that's the hotel.

"Wait for a sec." the other says.

Baekhyun looks around. Truthfully, he was afraid that maybe this won't be a hotel. Something else. That maybe Chanyeol isn't just a decent stranger that he met at random.

Kyungsoo would say that he is stupid. Too naive. But Kyungsoo is far away. He can't hear him. Not that he ever will.

He glances around and breathes out. Brighton. That's not that far away from home. Only very south, where the air smells salty like the sea and where no one can recognize him.

Where there's no Kyungsoo.

"I'm done."

Baekhyun jumps in surprise.

"So...what are you doing in Brighton?"

They go up the stairs, his fingers tight around the metallic railing. He is sure that afterwards they will smell of iron, strong and nauseating.

Chanyeol shakes his head.

"Nothing much. Exploring...I suppose." he says.

The key gets inside the key hole, it doesn't want to twist and then, the door opens.

It smells like dust and earth. Mouldy. The furniture seems old, with scratches and stains. Well used.

There's a single bed and a single closet and another door, probably leading to a bathroom.

Their luggage falls on the floor and the door closes.

"You hungry?"

Baekhyun shakes his head.

He sits on the bed and looks around. Again, he feels lonely. Far away from everything. For some reason, he doesn't want to talk anymore even though he has always loved talking.

Kyungsoo hated it. Kyungsoo was quiet.

Only listening, nodding from time to time. At first, he liked that about him.

A phone rings. Baekhyun startles, searching through his pockets. He remembers that he threw his 6 hours ago in a trash bin near the train station.

"Sorry." Chanyeol says.

But he doesn't answer it. Only tucks it back into the pocket of his jeans.

"Do you want to sleep?" Chanyeol asks.

Baekhyun shakes his head.

"Let's go for a walk." he says.

The door opens and closes again, but this time it screeches. Baekhyun hears it as he goes down the stairs; it resembles more and more a cry.

All the light gathers in a corner of the sky while the rest is being veiled by darkness. There are no stars, only the moon between some trees, peaking behind the branches at the town underneath it.

"I didn't ask you." Baekhyun says. "How long are you staying in Brighton?"

"I'm not sure."

Baekhyun isn't sure either. He doesn't like the town. Nor the sea at the edge of it that he cannot see but knows it's there, waiting.

He has always been tempted to jump. Jump from somewhere tall and fall. Feel the air gather around him as his lungs become empty, squeezing on themselves until he hits something. And then nothing. Silence. Or only white noise.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Baekhyun says.

"Have you ever thought about death? Dying. Killing yourself?"

"Maybe." he shrugs. "Sometimes..."

He has just thought, if he thinks about it. But it seems different. Killing yourself seems different than his thoughts. More than morbid curiosity. Need.

"I thought." Chanyeol says. "A lot lately, actually. That's why I came here."

"To kill yourself?" Baekhyun asks.

For some reason, it doesn’t surprise him. No, when he still feels like shit like he has always had; killing yourself doesn't seem so far fetched.

"Maybe. Not sure." Chanyeol says but smiles.

Somehow, they end up near the sea, close to the shore. It's a long stripe of blackness right at the edge of a denser one. They don't mix, only coexist and sometimes hit each other until one retreats.

Baekhyun breathes in the salty air. It smells like seaweed and decomposing things, lying at the thin, fragile surface, peaking their mutilated faces to see a different blackness.

"I'm glad that I've found you." he says and sits down.

Right on the edge of the sidewalk, with his feet dangling between the weeds. Baekhyun copies his exact movements, leaving some space between their bodies.

He has been feeling like shit for far too long. Has Kyungsoo ever noticed? Maybe. Maybe not, maybe he pretended that he didn't. It doesn't matter now. He is far away anyways.

"What's your favourite food?" Chanyeol asks.

"Pizza?"

"Let's order some."

"Here?"

"Why not?" he says and takes out his phone.

The screen lights up and Baekhyun looks somewhere else. How old is he? He doesn't look older than 30, maybe 28. Baekhyun thinks that's a good age. Right in the middle of two.

He sighs. His foot hits a stone that rolls down the hill and probably gets tangled in the bushes. Or lands on the shore, among many more stones. It becomes part of the sand.

"2 pizzas on their way." Chanyeol says.

"What would you say if I told you that I killed someone?" Baekhyun asks.

Suddenly, it feels like the sea gets restless, noisier. He is afraid.

Baekhyun looks back, but there's no one around. Just the two of them. Some cars passing by, with their headlights on.

"Not sure." Chanyeol says. "Did you?!"

Baekhyun laughs; shakes his head and tries to see Kyungsoo before his eyes.

But the shape gets lost. He can't remember how he looked like.

"No." he says. "I haven't. I thought about that."

"You could kill me then." Chanyeol says.

He doesn't laugh, keeps silent afterwards and Baekhyun laughs instead but not because he found it funny. It seemed like he should just do it.

"I want to die and you want to kill someone. That would be a deal."

"And I would end up in prison." Baekhyun says.

"And I would end up dead."

"Yes. But I don't want to be in a cell."

A car stops right behind them. Baekhyun looks back and remains still. But it's only a man holding two boxes, squeezing his eyes to look at them.

Chanyeol stands up and gives him the money. The car leaves.

"Choose one." He says.

"That."

Baekhyun laughs.

"At your order." Chanyeol says.

He opens both boxes and they start eating in silence, facing the sea that gets darker and calmer. The slices get fewer and fewer, colder and colder until there are none left.

"This was good." Baekhyun says.

Chanyeol looks around and then kicks both boxes until they start rolling downhill.

"Hel-" Baekhyun mutters but Chanyeol grabs his wrists and stares down at his face.

It's quiet as there's only their breaths and nothing else.

His face gets closer and closer until their noses almost touch. Instead, their lips connect when he tilts his head in the last moment. It's soft and unbearably warm. But he doesn't pull away nor does he think much about the taste of that mouth on his own. Instead, Kyungsoo's image appears before his eyes, suddenly clear and too crisp. It's judging, like it has always been, especially his eyes behind those brown frames.

But the kiss is great, better when Chanyeol's arm wraps around his middle, pulling him closer to his chest, right on his lap.

It's good, he thinks. He feels good.

A car honks and Baekhyun giggles, losing track of what he was doing before.

He does feel good.

"First date?" Chanyeol whispers.

"I don't kiss from the first date."

"Oh..."

"Don't call it anything." Baekhyun says and kisses him again.

The night seems warm suddenly and when the crickets start singing around them, he sighs, his chest shudders and Baekhyun wants to cry.

His whole head hurts and it all feels like he is about to vomit his bile through his eyes.

"Are you..."

Baekhyun shakes his head and looks behind him, at the street.

It's empty. Everything is empty. Just tall bushes on the other side, hiding small creatures inside them.

The crickets stop. Only the sea hits something angrily, over and over.

"Baekhyun..."

"Let's go to the hotel."

He stands up even though his feet are trembling.

Kyungsoo. But this Kyungsoo is shouting, standing in the middle of their living room. He feels angry again. Then suddenly guilty. Filled with pity for himself, for everything that happened 6 hours ago. No. Maybe 8, 9, but it feels like a long time.

They walk fast and he doesn't remember when he enters the room or sits down on the bed. It's all spinning and he feels like shit.

Shit.

"Baekhyun. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I think I need to puke."

He doesn't. But heads to the bathroom anyways and locks himself inside. The tiles are cold. Too cold. Dead.

"Baekhyun!" he hears Chanyeol yell a couple of times.

He breathes out and then thinks about how Kyungsoo locked himself in the bathroom one time. How he had to call the firefighters to break the door and rescue him. How they both laughed in the end. How he actually felt happy.

So he opens the door.

"You good?" Chanyeol asks.

But Baekhyun grabs a pillow and hits him with it.

"Ouch! What was th-"

He hits him once more and then Chanyeol takes the other pillow and throws it towards him. It lands on the floor. That's when Baekhyun sprints towards him, pushing him onto the bed.

"Are you..."

"Perfect." Baekhyun breathes out.

"I'm glad that..."

"Shut up." he says and kisses him hard on the lips. "Just shut up..."

He hasn't done any of this in a long time. Not that he didn't want to. He did; too much at times but then, he and Kyungsoo were never like that. Or they were. Sometimes it felt like they were but he has never been sure. He never wanted them to be even though that's what he has always craved.

Baekhyun tries to clear his mind of everything. No Kyungsoo wandering around because he isn't there anymore. But his words still do.

He bites on Chanyeol's lower lip until he tries to move back.

"That-"

"Sorry." he whispers, grabbing him by the nape of his neck, pulling him closer.

Suddenly, it seems cold in the room. His chest shudders and Baekhyun curses.

"Are you alright?"

"No."

He steps aside, pressing his face into the pillow. Only his throat aches, feels stuffed to the brim.

"Baekhyun..."

"Leave me the fuck alone!" he shouts.

It's silent afterwards. That's when Baekhyun realizes that he's in a strange town, in a strange room of a hotel with a stranger next to him. Everything is strange. The whole day, with the way it sluggishly started.

He doesn't know when he has fallen asleep or when the light began peaking through the blinds onto his face. Morning. The night doesn't feel like it existed.

Baekhyun's feet touch the floor and there's a knock at the door. Once. Twice. Thrice.

He looks behind and he sees Chanyeol, asleep.

Another knock, harder, heavier. It vibrates through the walls and furniture. Followed by another one. His heart starts beating faster, in sync with those knocks.

At the tenth, he opens the door and holds his breath.

They've come for him, he thinks.

 

When Chanyeol wakes up, the room is empty. Quiet. The door is closed and the window wide open. Baekhyun is nowhere. He paces around and sees his suitcase still wide open on the floor, the book on the night table.

All his belongings are where he left them. But no Baekhyun.

He turns the TV on. There's only stupid shows at that hour, women and men smiling at him with too perfect, counterfeited teeth of 100W.  Even their faces can barely move as they hold knives and cutting boards and hair curlers that look like torture devices in their hands.

Chanyeol turns it off and sighs. He looks around one more time at everything that looks the same. Nothing moves, only the curtains as the wind blows, bringing inside the salty air of the sea.

He tries the door. It's open. But the hallway is empty. He closes it and paces around the room until he stops in front of his unopened backpack. Chanyeol knows what is inside among other things, down at its bottom, barely visible.

He turns the TV on again. It seems too quiet even though outside the cars and seagulls make so much noise. There are the same people with everything counterfeited until they are replaced by a different face. He knows it; seen it a couple of times in the car.

_"UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN FOUND DEAD NEAR THE SOUTHERN BORDER. MOST PROBABLY STRANGLED TO DEATH."_

He turns it off again. Suddenly, Chanyeol thinks of Baekhyun. Did he really kill somebody? Where is he?

But the backpack is waiting, staring at him from the floor. Judging him. He can't go back now. There's no excuses anymore.

Chanyeol hasn't felt decent, good in a long while. No, actually, he has felt like shit. So much so that shit is the only thing he can say about his entire existence. He starts feeling too warm and that warmth bubbles up to his head making him so angry that he kicks the nightstand.

"Fuck!"

He closes his eyes and breathes out. Chanyeol feels angry and scared and nervous. Anxious. He finally grabs the backpack and opens it.

 

 

When the maid steps inside the room, it's all empty. Still. Then she screams when she sees it.

 

~

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> side notes: baekhyun killed kyungsoo and the next day, at the door it was the police coming for him.  
> also, chanyeol did take his life and the maid in the hotel found his body.  
> the characters of the woman and the italian man as well as the car ride were taken from real life- except for the whole chanbaek thing, that actually happened.


End file.
